I look up to the mountains;
does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth and mountains.
He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.
God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you-
Sheilding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.
God guards you from every evil,
he guards your life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.
Yesterday, the Thorndale girls went to Cave Hill Park. Ever since we arrived we had wanted to hike the trail to see the great views of Belfast and put ourselves in and among the mountains we see in the distance each day. We walked from the Antrim Road up to Belfast Castle.
It was a hazy day, with cool temperatures. Perfect for walking around the grounds of the castle without feeling too hot. There is a legend that as long as a cat lives on the grounds of Belfast Castle, it will be safe. There are stone cats built into the gardens and even kitty footprints in the cement by the fountain.
Cave Hill is just up from the castle and has several different trails you can take to the top or destinations along the way. After looking at the map to find it was a 4.3 mile hike (proper footwear encouraged) we decided we didn't have the energy for all of Cave Hill in one day, but would go to Devil's Punchbowl and then back. As we started our ascent I realized that I had been sitting around in the house a bit too much and that this was no South Carolina mountain stroll. Now, since I've told a few people that we went to Cave Hill I've heard mixed opinions about the intensity of the climb. Notice that I'm saying climb. I've even heard people say that when they were younger their family used to go there every Saturday for "walks." Well, I hope that by the time I leave here Cave Hill is a walk for me, but yesterday it seemed that with each step the bitterness hiding under the surface started to come out.
Each step was challenging emotionally more than physically as I let my mind vent homesickness and a general bad mood. As we neared the first lookout I was almost in tears as I realized that my lack of energy and poor attitude were a good indicator that I was feeling just a tad depressed. I was so angry with myself, as I stood looking over the city of Belfast, that here I was having this experience that I had anticipated would be a breath of fresh air and I was too caught up in emotions I didn't even know I was holding back to fully experience it. We walked past Devil's Punchbowl and to the cave and then turned around to come home. I felt folded into myself, ashamed that I was already feeling down, and disappointed that I had let a bad attitude have any residence in this experience. But I forced myself to laugh on the way down, I admitted to my roommates what I was feeling, and as Mrs.Broussard would say, I picked myself up by my bootstraps- chin up!
I was worried about already feeling homesick and feeling the strain of being somewhere different, surrounded by new people and things. I wanted to be tougher, to not let it get to me so fast, but I'm learning to forgive myself too. It's ok when things aren't as perfect as you planned or if your learning curve is not what you expected yourself to accomplish. It's ok to trust that God knows better than I do and that's why He brought me here. God reminded me yesterday, gently, that my trust is not in mountains and places that will calm my soul, but my trust is in the God who would call me here for His purpose. He will calm my soul. Quiet time with Him will quiet my spirit. My trust is in the the God who knows that I'm not perfect and there's not anything I can do for Him, but there is a lot He can do in me.
This week God healed an ache in me for my Greer girl talk when he blessed me with a chat with the Girls Brigade girls. We talked about "American" things like cheerleading and school. I let them help me with the Northern Irish lingo like "track suit bottoms" instead of "workout pants." God blessed me with their laughter at things Americans say that just don't make sense. This week God filled a hole by letting me help with homework at afterschool club, laugh, play, and dance with the kids. God lifted my spirits with fun this week as I went bowling with the Youth PHAB club and started work on a DVD project with the adult PHAB club. My spirit has been fed by the continued outreach of friendship from people at Whitehouse and 174. Hugs, smiles, banter, and concern fill my cup to overflow. I am gifted each day with new ways to get to know people, beyond just the introduction and start to make friendships. Connecting with people eases my homesickness and I'm blessed to be moving beyond just their names to knowing people better.
My community in Belfast is growing, and growing in depth. I know I will struggle more than just this weekend and my climb through my own challenges. My hope is that through my struggles, and sharing the struggles of others, ourselves will become interconnected in a web that beautifully displays God's love and grace. This hymn from church today really struck me as a perfect expression of the interdependence of the family of God and how, to truly show Christ, we must live in community with one another, loving one another completely.
Brother, sister, let me serve you,
let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I may have the grace to
let you be my servant too.
We are pilgrims on a journey,
and companions on the road;
we are here to help each other
walk the mile and bear the load.
I will hold the Christ-light for you
in the night-time of your fear;
I will hold my hand out to you,
speak the peace you long to hear.
I will weep when you are weeping;
when you laugh I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
til we've seen this journey through.
When we sing to God in heaven
we shall find such harmony,
born of all we've known together
of Christ's love and agony.
Won't you let me be your servant,
let me be as Christ to you?
Pray that I may have the grace to
Let you be my servant too.
-Richard A.M. Gillard, 1953
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