Waiting on the world to change

Passion...valued in relationships, noble causes, professions. Passion is deep, intrinsic motivation. I think of passion as that itchy, excited feeling when I know I'm fired up about something and I have a vision for it's accomplishment and positive value in other's lives.

How can passion work against you? My mom says that passion can also mean temper and according to it's definition it can mean rage. It's those moments when I say something in a tone that too clearly conveys my lack of patience and quickness to jump to conclusions. "Be slow to anger," the Bible says. I often let my passionate nature prevent me from counting to ten and saying something I won't regret.

Being passionate about people means you get involved in their lives and you take a vested interest. We are all God's people, little walking around messes and that means you invest in the good and the bad. When the bad surfaces I tend to react passionately, as if my world has collapsed, but once the shock and self-induced drama wear off I find a way to look sensibly and pragmatically at what comes next. I feel productive again and in control.

I have a vision for the big picture and a passion for big ideas, but unfortunately the details get lost or an idea isn't fully executed because the hugeness of it's impact overwhelms me actually doing it.

I am a passionate person and I want to surround myself with other visionaries, albeit grounded ones. I don't want to lose my passion. In fact part of the reason I knew I needed a break from teaching was that I felt I was losing it. I felt diluted and complacent. I don't want to lose my passion, but I do want to evaluate the bits that hold me back, the pieces that impede and inhibit passion becoming action and affecting change. One positive aspect of passion is that it breeds determination and anyone will tell you I am determined about self-evaluation and learning from challenge.

Living in Belfast for the past five months has taught me more than I will ever fully recognize but I think it has also taught me to understand and use my passionate nature. As a teacher I understand more the value of distance. Remembering always to be personally professional, investing in and loving the children with all I have while recognizing that they are children each day to be met where they are while not losing sight of overarching long-term growth, and mostly when problems arise to look at them from a distance with practical support and unpack them to deal more effectively. The ultimate goal is to be an effective teacher in the time I have to facilitate learning, focusing on that the best thing I can do is focus on my students.

I've had to learn how to take my ideas, break them down into manageable pieces, and put them into action because I only have a limited amount of time to make them reality and no one else is going to do it, because they can't fully appreciate my vision until they see it alive. I've learned the value of support and seeking out resources with the start of our "Girls Allowed" club and the continuation of my hopes for Girls Brigade Bible study, Youth Alpha, developing the concept of peace in action in the afterschools, and relational ministry in the primary (elementary) schools. Even forming relationships in the places I serve, getting your hands dirty and action will always dominate any impressive words, even if it means doing dishes or picking up trash.

Reacting to change...my boat has been tossed a few times this year. Again my wise mother says that I'm worst off when something just happens. I know that there were times when I let those moments get the best of me, believing they were my only reality, but God has reminded me of my vision for the big picture. It's all part of why I am here this year. So I can go home another way, completely changed because I've seen God at work. Not in a hugely passionate sense, but in a hands and feet, put your strength behind your words kind of way. If you believe that it's true- go and act like it, Elijah says in the Bible. Well if you really are passionate, I hear God whisper, go and make a difference. Stop talking- we have work to do.

So it is with me that I've learned that my words are feeble and maybe the biggest reason God made me passionate is so I could be teacher. Putting into practical action my passion for teacher's rights, equal education, rights of children with learning differences, creative and authentic education and a passionate love for kids that isn't just smoke and mirrors but now I feel has teeth behind it and is ready to get to work. And maybe God brought me to Belfast so I could learn what I really think about what it means to put action behind my passion, fleshing out what I believe about things into Christian witness that speaks from my life.

"So this is what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work and walking around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. I'm speaking out of deep gratitude for all God has given me..." (Romans 12 The Message)

Christian Peace Witness